On this historic morning, I couldn't help but think of how President Bush must be feeling. I'm gonna go ahead and think of him as Lutz in this clip from "30 Rock." He must just want to shove the rest of the sandwich in his mouth and get the hell away from the raving mob.
But he probably wants to solidify his legacy, too. I've thought about some things he can do to get the White House and the presidency ready for Barack Obama, things I think he'd be very proud of himself for doing. Things that would make him chuckle like he does. Things that would show America who the real decider is. Things that would ensure he is not remembered as the worst president ever. Here they are:
1. Pull the troops out of Iraq right now. Take that away from Obama. Give the American people the first taste of the disappointment they'll no doubt feel over and over again as Obama breaks his word!
2. Childproof all drawers and cabinets in the White House. That's what Laura does whenever she wants to hide something from W. He'll be useless without pens, staplers, and dishes!
3. Start misspelling Obama's name, so that when Jay Leno interviews Americans on the street and asks if they can spell their president's name, they won't have a chance. Nobody could misspell Bush.
4. Fake Dick Cheney's and his own death. Nancy Pelosi steps into the presidency and makes history before Obama! (This is also a great idea because it allows for plenty of punking opportunities featuring W. as a ghost!)
5. Fart in the Oval Office chair. A lot.
Yay, the election is over! I can't help but feel a little sorry for John McCain, even if I disagreed with a lot of things about his campaign. It's been a long road but the right man for right now won (timing really is everything, and it was not on McCain's side this time). Congratulations, America.