Sunday, November 23, 2008

Maybe Just One Thing

It sure seems like all that was standing in Brett's way was his INT competition. Ever since J.T. O'Sullivan was benched by the 49ers, Brett's QB rating has been above 100.

Still Rolling

Here I am, dutifully reporting Brett Favre's most recent successes. After 2 TDs today and 1 INT and with a top-notch team effort, Brett led the Jets to victory over the Titans, taking away Tennessee's perfect record. The tally: 20TDs, 13 INTs.

Elective unemployment is great and all, but when you run out of money and you're still unemployed, things get a little . . . uncomfortable. I've therefore been spending the past two weeks solidly searching for work, and it makes sitting at the computer practically unbearable. It exhausts me to the point that I don't even have anything to say with regard to Brett Favre. Or anything else for that matter. Weak!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

He's On A Roll!

Congrats again to Brett Favre, who had a dynamite game on Thursday night against the Pats in NFL Week 11: The Preview.* 2 more TDs and 0 INTs! That makes 18 TDs and 12 INTs, and the Jets are in 1st place in the AFC East. Wowee, Brett. Wowee.

*Yeah, I watched the highlights. They were pretty spectacular.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Hey, Hey, Brett Favre!

Nice work in week 10! #4 added one to his TD tally and none to his INT tally. After 10 weeks he's at 16 TDs and 12 INTs.

Meanwhile, over in San Francisco, Shaun Hill is still at the helm while J.T. O'Sullivan sits on the bench. Brett's on his best behavior . . .

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Oh Boy

So the election's in the bag. What next for Barack Obama? Preemptive damage control.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dubya's Legacy?

On this historic morning, I couldn't help but think of how President Bush must be feeling. I'm gonna go ahead and think of him as Lutz in this clip from "30 Rock." He must just want to shove the rest of the sandwich in his mouth and get the hell away from the raving mob.



But he probably wants to solidify his legacy, too. I've thought about some things he can do to get the White House and the presidency ready for Barack Obama, things I think he'd be very proud of himself for doing. Things that would make him chuckle like he does. Things that would show America who the real decider is. Things that would ensure he is not remembered as the worst president ever. Here they are:

1. Pull the troops out of Iraq right now. Take that away from Obama. Give the American people the first taste of the disappointment they'll no doubt feel over and over again as Obama breaks his word!

2. Childproof all drawers and cabinets in the White House. That's what Laura does whenever she wants to hide something from W. He'll be useless without pens, staplers, and dishes!

3. Start misspelling Obama's name, so that when Jay Leno interviews Americans on the street and asks if they can spell their president's name, they won't have a chance. Nobody could misspell Bush.

4. Fake Dick Cheney's and his own death. Nancy Pelosi steps into the presidency and makes history before Obama! (This is also a great idea because it allows for plenty of punking opportunities featuring W. as a ghost!)

5. Fart in the Oval Office chair. A lot.

Yay, the election is over! I can't help but feel a little sorry for John McCain, even if I disagreed with a lot of things about his campaign. It's been a long road but the right man for right now won (timing really is everything, and it was not on McCain's side this time). Congratulations, America.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Why Sarah Palin, Are Those Boot-Cut Jeans You Wore To Cast Your Vote Today?



Oh no she didn't! (But ya know, she really does rock them.)* I wonder if the McCain campaign's outlook was so bleak that they already donated those fancy duds of hers?

*I acknowledge that by drawing attention to her jeans-wearing, I am perpetuating the notion that we are a sexist nation incapable of taking seriously the idea that a woman could hold the office of "commander-in-chief." But seriously, Hillary wouldn't dream of wearing jeans. Ever.

Monday, November 3, 2008

NFL Week 9: I Still Don't Believe The Giants Are All That Good

Hey, the Jets won! Unfortunately for Brett, he added to his INT tally (12) but not his TD tally (15). Also unfortunately for Brett, that INT was returned for a TD. Still unfortunately for Brett, the 49ers had a bye, so J.T. O'Sullivan didn't get to throw any interceptions this week.

Oh no! Could this explain it?

But more importantly, are the Giants really that good? I didn't believe it last year, and I still don't. They're competent and they're well-coached, but I'm never stunned by their play. It seems to me that their opponent just plays worse than the Giants do every week, and that's why they keep winning. Yeah, Eli, that's right. I'm not impressed.

Down to the Wire in the Purple States

I've decided no longer to call them Battleground States. It may be that they're being fought over, but the other states get colors and "battleground" has a lot of syllables. So in honor of their wacky, indecisive mix of red and blue, I'm going to call them Purple States.

America, this is you.

The election is tomorrow, and the ads aren't letting up. In fact, over the weekend they've become nastier, but it's the kind of nasty that comes off as funny. Obama's latest has creepy pictures of George W. Bush in the side and rearview mirrors of a car set to the question "Want to know where John McCain's economic plan will take the country?" The answer, of course, is revealed by looking behind us. Doesn't sound like prgoress, does it? The pro-McCain ad du jour is just plain absurd. Scary-Voiced Dude asks if we'd get on a plane with a pilot who's never flown. If we'd leave our child with someone who's never cared for children. If we'd go under with a surgeon who's never operated. Can we wait while he learns, Scary-Voiced Dude asks?

The Washington Post has an article today about the fight-to-the-finish campaigns. Of course, the Purple States are seeing the worst of this, and it's taking a toll. With that in mind, I propose that the day after Election Day should be a holiday in all Purple States. We'll call it Purple Wednesday, and Purple Staters will get a free espresso beverage at Starbucks instead of just a plain old free coffee. Because we deserve it!