Still Rolling

Here I am, dutifully reporting Brett Favre's most recent successes. After 2 TDs today and 1 INT and with a top-notch team effort, Brett led the Jets to victory over the Titans, taking away Tennessee's perfect record. The tally: 20TDs, 13 INTs.

Elective unemployment is great and all, but when you run out of money and you're still unemployed, things get a little . . . uncomfortable. I've therefore been spending the past two weeks solidly searching for work, and it makes sitting at the computer practically unbearable. It exhausts me to the point that I don't even have anything to say with regard to Brett Favre. Or anything else for that matter. Weak!

Life In Batttleground State Virginia: It's Getting Ugly

I moved out of my NYC apartment and into the folks' place in Northern Virginia. I've been here for less than a week and am still playing catch-up. As the election was heating up mid-month, I got really excited about the idea of voting in Virginia (Battleground State!), where my vote could really make a difference. Unfortunately, I had already missed the Virginia voter registration deadline and I was stuck having to arrange for an absentee New York ballot. That hasn't stopped me from taking part in all the indecisive fun here, though.

Last week when I crossed the American Legion bridge into Virginia, I saw the usual old-school welcome sign:

Really, Virginia? Really? Do you know it's 2008?

Below it were symptoms of this fine state's -- er, commonwealth's -- indecision: a McCain/Palin sign and an Obama/Biden sign, right next to each other. The further into Virginia I drove (and I had about 11 miles still to go at this point), the more campaign signs I saw, not only for the number one office but also for House and Senate races. They are EVERYWHERE here. And it doesn't stop there. Every time the phone rings it's a campaign worker urging Fairfax County residents to vote one way or the other. (Apparently McCain's recorded voice itself has called here, but I haven't been home for that.) Worse yet, the other night some dude showed up at our door! Now I have to be surreptitious in ascertaining who's knocking at the door so as not to alert them of my presence within. It's either that or make a scene. I almost told the mailman to get the eff off my property today. (See, that's funny because it's not my property. And because he's the mailman and he has what I want.)

Then of course there are the TV commercials. In New York I saw the occasional TV ad for Obama or McCain, but here you can't pass a single commercial break without at least two political campaign ads. And they're getting ugly. A popular (read: ubiquitous) one now -- which is not endorsed by John McCain -- features an empty oval office chair (um . . . so what? We're used to that.) and narration from Scary-Voiced Dude reminding us that "this crisis" will be Obama's first. Scary-Voiced Dude doesn't stop there. Oh no. He also insults Americans, chiding us for considering electing "one of the most inexperienced candidates" ever to this high office. So now in addition to being terrified I'm also being reproached. Nice.

Another anti-Obama ad, this one approved by McCain, focuses on Joe Biden's foot-in-mouth ("Oh wait, guys, I meant tongue-in-cheek! See, it was all just a silly misunderstanding!") blunder. I mean, when Biden gives them material like that, these commercial-maker guys don't even have to work! They just print the highlights of his speech across the screen and have Scary-Voiced Dude announce at the end that Barack Obama is "untested" and "dangerous" and they've got advertising magic!

Having just moved to the Old Dominion, I don't have much of a handle on the local House and Senate races, but their ads are no less ruthless. My favorite -- and I don't even remember whom it promotes or whom it slanders -- ends with the following: "[Candidate's name here]: too corrupt, even for Congress." Classic! Because, you know, the candidate the ad promotes has juuuuust the right amount of corruption for Congress. A regular Goldilocks.

But they're not all malicious. Some ads just don't say anything. A current Obama ad begins with the senator narrating, "John McCain wants to scare you. I want you to know what I believe." The next 26 seconds are chock-full of idealism regulated by a steady hand, a firm resolve, and a warm smile, as close to aw shucks as Obama is ever going to get. But does it promise anything? No? And it doesn't slander the other guy either? Bo-ring. That's the thing, see. Obama is out-spending McCain by oodles (that's a precise mathematical term) on TV ads, but I can't seem to retain the content of any of them.

With the election less than a week away, I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of final-stretch antics are pulled out. McCain doesn't buy into the polls, so Virginia is still very much up for grabs in his mind, and he wants it. Obama wants it too. But we Virginians don't show our hand easily. See, being wooed may get old, but being a tease never does.

Brett Favre Interception Watch: Weeks Three, Four, and Five? Oh, Who Cares!

I just got back from Hawaii! I've been far too busy to think about Brett. I had very important things to do, like hike, swim, eat, and drink. (He's doing great, by the way -- 12 TDs and only 4 INTs!, and he's sporting his best QB rating ever. I'm being proven wrong week by week, and that's okay with me.)

Back to my trip! I landed on Thursday evening, September 25, and was pretty much a goner. I think I was in bed sometime just after 8:00. The next day, Friday the 26th, I also took it pretty easy. I went with my aunt to the beach at the Sheraton Kauai (it's one of my favorite beaches anywhere) and we had lunch and drinks there. Exhausting! That night we took in the Kauai Mokihana Festival's hula competition. Most of the rest of the days were more exciting and deserve their own posts, which will come in due time as I'm spending the next 5 days packing up my apartment for my move home. Regression is a good thing!

(I'm in full-swing Elective Unemployment mode. I called to change my address with T-Mobile and the overly-perky customer service agent asked me if I was getting ready for the weekend. Honestly, I didn't even know what day it was. I think my silence made her uncomfortable. I seem to be getting worse at coming up with something to say on the spot.)

Usually when I visit Hawaii I'll go to more than one island, but this trip was only Kauai, just like I needed it. Kauai is a very special place for me and I inevitably suffer while there from nostalgic fits of Why-Don't-I-Live-Here-ness. So what exactly is so special about Kauai, you ask? Here's a very brief listing:

1. The wildlife. There actually isn't very much that's native to Hawaii, compared to other places. A lot of wildlife (and especially a lot of flora and fauna) was introduced both by the Polynesians who settled the Islands and the nasty Westerners who conquered them. The two introduced creatures that thrive on Kauai today are the wild chicken and the wild pig. Yup, very exotic, I know. Here are our barnyard friends:

My how their crowing is a bother at 2:30 am.

The big one is actually chasing the little one to get his food.

There are also Hawaiian monk seals in abundance sunning on local beaches and green sea turtles ("honu" in Hawaiian) in droves off the south shore of the island in Poipu. These guys are probably a little more special but somehow less novel to tourists.

A sea turtle! I swear he's there!

2. The buildings. Kauai's law mandates that no building can be taller than the height of a mature coconut tree (approximately 48 feet). We noticed when we spent some time at the Marriott that it was obviously built before this law took effect as even the tallest trees were shorter than the Marriott's towers. Anyway, an example of a Kauai building of typical height (but atypical message):

Soon, hopefully, is relative.

3. The terrain. Kauai is home to Waimea Canyon (the "Grand Canyon of the Pacific"), Kokee State Park (which houses the world's highest-elevated swamp, called Alakai, and several giant Redwood forests among other natural wonders and indigenous bird species), Mount Waialeale (alternately called "The Wettest Spot on Earth" and "One of the Wettest Spots on Earth" depending on who's fact-checking), and the Na Pali coast with its rugged cliffs and famous Kalalau Trail (which I did, and which conquered me). I'm always blown away by the diversity of the terrain. Where else can you get arid landscapes, barking sands, tropical rainforests, lazy freshwater rivers, dramatic sea cliffs, a painted canyon, all the tropical flowers you'd ever want to see or smell, huge waves for surfing, acres and acres of rich farmland, tower-like waterfalls, pristine beaches, and over 400 inches of rain per year all on one island?

Mahaulepu, on the dry south shore

Waimea Canyon

A ginger grove in the forest

Redwoods in the tropics!

Poipu sunset

Lumahai beach on a turbulent day

Professional Parting Of Ways Or Break-Up?

The day after sticking to my decision and the day after the day after announcing it, a very strange feeling came over me, and one I absolutely did not see coming (at least not in the context of leaving my job). It wasn't regret or guilt or relief. It was sadness, and it was intense. Being so unexpected, I had no way of coping with it and had to let it take over for awhile. It was the last thing I expected to feel, and it brought with it a compassion for the people I'm leaving behind at my job. All these years I knew I was valuable, but I would not have guessed that my value transferred so extensively to a personal level. It took me by surprise, and my shock manifested as a deep, deep sadness over the mutual (if temporary) emptiness my boss and I will both feel. To be cared for, even if it's not always healthy or mutually beneficial, is a powerful and special thing.

The important things are to know when to move on and to be able to separate emotions from actions. Part of my sadness, if I am to analyze myself, comes from having made a decision I believed to be a practical and unemotional one that turned out to have an unexpected consequence: a genuine emotional reaction from my boss, which in turned sparked my own. I was prepared for a fight, but I wasn't prepared for a hug.

In any case, I have to deal with, learn from, and be thankful for these strange feelings as they pop up. I have to realize that a certain amount of discomfort is going to come with a new beginning. I have to give myself a chance, or I'll never know either how good I've had it or how much I've been missing.

I've Gone And Done It

Today I finalized the first step of my still-forming plan: I gave my notice at work. My emotions are mixed and I'm still processing; I've definitely considered the ramifications but in reality I have no idea what's coming. There's a sense of relief, but there's also a nagging uncertainty. The goal is, instead of letting it become my enemy, to exploit that uncertainty. To that end I am considering this a challenge, a self-administered test I have no choice but to pass. And that's about all I can say right now.

Selling Myself

I'm not very comfortable with it (or good at it), and yet I've got to figure out a way to be. My indecision with regard to my future has messed me up to the point that I don't feel I have anything all that great even to say about myself. Now as I begin writing cover letters (again) I'm finding it difficult to muster the enthusiasm I once felt for my transferable skills.

I've written some pretty good cover letters in my time, or so I thought. They didn't get me hired. (In fact, what got me hired at my current position was my GPA and alma mater.) In a cover letter I focus not only on my skills but also on my passions -- how I make a connection with my product, how I pride myself on the quality of my work. I relate the relevance of a personal or professional experience to the job I'm applying for. I tailor each resume submission accordingly. I put a lot of myself into a job application, which means I spend a lot of time on it and I take it personally when I'm not considered. I don't see how the personal touches could be so easily overlooked, but in reality, isn't the person looking at these documents merely glancing, scanning, absorbing words here and there, but not the full picture? Am I putting too much of myself into (i.e. working too hard on) these job applications?

Most jobs these days are posted online and offer as a point of contact only an email address (and usually a generic one so you can't get a person's name, e.g. resumes@abc123.com), with an all-caps warning: "NO PHONE CALLS." In this day and age, you'd think a passionate cover letter would be just the ticket to impress a prospective employer given that you can't get any face or voice time like you could in the old days. You'd think in the flood of mundane applications that one demonstrating the respondent's actual personality would stand out at least a little. Well I thought about these things last night as I re-evaluated a cover letter I'd written earlier this summer and that I intend to revise this week to apply for a different position at the same company. Studying my words, I saw the requisite boring stuff about my skills and achievements, but I also saw the anecdotes about my education and experiences that tied me to the company's mission, and how these anecdotes offered up my human side to the prospective employer. I saw all this and I got frustrated. In conclusion, let me borrow from Carrie Bradshaw. As I reflected on the many hours I spent on cover letter brainstorming sessions that proved in the end to be no more than an exercise in missing valuable sleep on a weeknight, I couldn't help but wonder: Have we been OVER-selling ourselves? Or are there really so many more qualified candidates than me? Maybe it's time to streamline. If nothing else at least it would allow for more job applications completed.

My Peruvian Dreams Have Turned To Poi

It has been my dream for the past several years (since seeing a History Channel special on Machu Picchu; I am a big fan of ruins) to go to Peru. And even before Machu Picchu, I'd dreamed of floating down the Amazon in an itty bitty boat looking for pink river dolphins. This dream formed in first-year Environmental Science class and while at that time I felt this experience had to happen in Brazil, I've since learned that Peru's Amazon is far more untouched than Brazil's and just as ecologically exciting. I got the silly idea I'd be able to afford this trip to Lima/Cusco/Machu Picchu/the Amazon between jobs (the job following this one, mind you, is still hypothetical at this point), and reluctantly came to the conclusion that while I could certainly spend all of my money and go to Peru, I'd come back broke and unemployed. Not wishing to default on loans but at the same time wishing to do a little between-job (there I go again) soul searching, I considered other places to which I might travel without depleting my entire savings account.

And the obvious answer was Kauai. The decision was basically made for me by the almost-unbelievable airfare (and I believe it only because I bought it) to Honolulu, combined with the chance to see an old friend who'll be visiting and my aunt and uncle who live there. So Peru is on hold for now, but I know it will happen.

This trip is a big step, as it more or less cements my unemployment plans. Yay, or oy? A little bit of both, I think.

Waimea Canyon, my Machu Picchu substitute

Distraction

I just got back from a week-long trip to Greece, time I intended to use not only to attend my good friend's wedding but also to reflect on my desires and implement at least the workings of a plan I would stick to for Changing My Life. (It needs the capital letters, it does.)

Instead I went to the beach every day and forgot about my life in New York. This, of course, while not being productive, was therapeutic in its own way.

Travel is something in which, no matter how low I've felt, I have never lost interest. What better way to learn simultaneously about yourself (am I really that square?) and others (wow, the Greeks eat dinner really late)? There are few places I wouldn't want to experience at least briefly. Of course it was financially irresponsible, but it would have been a crime against self-actualization to pass up the opportunity to see a new place and share in a friend's joy.

Choices

I'm absolutely terrified of choices. I don't have a problem with accountability, but when it comes to decision-making, I shut down. This deficiency has caused me to spend too long doing something for which I have no passion. My fear paved the way for complacency, and complacency became so pervasive and insistent that it seemed obvious and irreversible. Hearing myself talk about this (or worse yet, thinking about it) filled me with such self-loathing that I began to feel I deserved to be stuck. Then a recent series of good things that happened to other people jarred me. It dawned on me that my sense of self had become negligible and my desire to reclaim it was waning; my stasis was not security but avoidance. With all this in mind I have decided to make a decision, but now comes the hard part: deciding on the decision.

What should I do? Where should I live? Should I go back to school? If so, for what? There are too many CHOICES. This is the burden of the young and privileged (and indecisive): we have every opportunity in front of us, every advantage in our favor, and it's up to us to screw it up. I'm well-educated, I have transferable skills, I'm full of curiosity, I have a wonderful group of family and friends supporting me (believe me, I'm thankful), and I have the chance -- and means! -- to re-make my life. For most people this must be exhilarating. For me, it's terrifying.

Hi. My name is Brooke, and I was an Art History major.

My Big Indecision -- Here We Go

It took me a long time to decide to start a blog. I considered blogging and concluded that it was a silly display of narcissim, an utterly self-indulgent outlet for the self-important or hopelessly witty. (Besides, did I really have anything to say?) But then I changed my mind (a frequent occurrence). An outlet is an outlet, and I figured that in order to attempt to conquer my indecision, an outlet was in order. So here I am: I'm indecisive, and I'm facing my biggest indecision ever. Indulge me as I indulge myself and attempt to figure it all out.